Hmmmm....

Is it okay that as I sit here at my kitchen table there's a big (70 pounds as per yesterday's vet visit) dog running top speed the length of the house, sliding into the door or wall (depending on which end of the house, back and forth, while squeaky toy dangling from mouth and squeaking with each footstep...runnnnnnn, sliiiiiiide, crash, squeak, runnnnn, sliiiiiiide, crash, squeak...
If his daddy was home, he'd have had to stop, but I figure he was having fun...oh, wait...he found the doggie bed....hump, hump, hump....

Maybe Considering the Possibility

So Travis and I have been playing with the idea of maybe possibly getting a dog. Well, actually, I shouldn't say WE've been playing with the idea, I should say I've been playing with the idea because I know he's wanted one all along. So yeah. I like nice cuddly dogs to pet, having a wagging tail meeting me at the door, an excuse to get outside more often for walks, not to mention all of the general health benefits of pet ownership. It seemed like everytime we would be heading to my parents (usually a Sunday) we'd pass the big old DOG ADOPTION DAY sign and Travis would make some suggestion and it would be dismissed with a comment along the lines of "I'm not going to be the one stuck walking him," or "I like no dog hair in the house..." and on and on. But lately I've been thinking some more...

Well on Saturday, I was out and about and on my way home I was thinking I would see if the local pound or whatever was open as I remembered last weekend seeing a sign out. I drove by to see no sign. Oh well. I go home and Trav is out. He comes home and I suggest that we might head out to start maybe possibly getting our feelers out for a dog. You know, start looking, go through all the pros and cons, yadda yadda. Oh wait, BEFORE he comes home I'm chatting on the phone with Tasha who adopted a dog not too long ago and she mentioned a few of the downsides as being not as easy to get up and go, having a dog that is poorly behaved on the trail or around other dogs, etc. Well when Trav gets home, we head out anyway. As it turns out his "errands" he was running included stopping at the local pound and Humane Society...

We went to the first animal control pound, closed. And to the "Adoption Day" place. Just closed. Come back tomorrow the woman said...

So we did.

This place was the SPCA or SFCA or whatever it was...animal rescue type place. There were close to 50 dogs outside in cages/pens/whatevers. Lots of barkers...(not ideal). We asked to have a few taken out of their cages to meet them. One of them was a nice black lab...Rachel. She was a maybe. Then we met this other girl who was a rot mix, very cute but big and strong. She'd let out a few barks and growls, but when she came out she was all over the place. The boss guy over there was telling us about how she had been shot twice in a drug raid. Still had a bullet in her. But playful and energetic as can be, with the recent shave marks and battle wounds. Interesting. This guy was full of stories about where all these dogs came from. We left there after taking it all in and me verbalizing that I'm not making any decisions today. So we're heading home and Trav says he wants to show me a dog he saw at the humane society. We went even after hearing from the rescue guy how even the Human Society in our state has a high "kill" rate and they only really keep the dogs they know will get a home quickly...Interesting...

I see the cute dogs there and Trav asks to take one of them out, an 8 month old black lab. We hang out in this big office room and play for awhile and this pup (big one) is all over the place playing and having fun. We took him outside and tossed balls and frisbees and he cracked us up. I even practiced jogging with him. Hmmmm....What to do...I connected with him far more than any of the dogs at the other place (none of whom could be considered housebroken) and here was this pup, having already been puppy-schooled and housebroken, could play with people non-aggressively, and was a pure-bred lab. I knew he wouldn't last very long at the Humane Society so I mention to Trav on the way in that maybe I might possibly consider taking home a dog today.

So we did. On Sunday. We now have a big black 80 pound puppy living with us. He is squeaking away on his favorite toy right now at my feet. So far so good. We have a crate for sleeping and for when we're at work until we know we can trust him. He did manage to have one "accident" in the house already yesterday, but we'll chalk that up to shock to the system, having been in a house that couldn't care for him all the way, having been in the shelter for a week, and now having a new home...I think he's doing great considering all that. Trav had a nice late morning with him this morning and I was supposed to go to the gym after work, but I felt terrible that this big active dog had been cooped up in the crate for so long...so I came home and took him to the park down the block.

I have a lot to learn about "behavior modification" and whatnot. Though I'll tell you, the worst thing he's done is snuck into the spare room to "hump" his doggie bed which was given to him yesterday AND taken away from him yesteday because all he does is hump it...non-stop...like this, like that...true in form to the male species I guess...male species uncensored!!

Meet Bo

Stay tuned for our trials and tribulations of oversized puppy ownership!

Rock On!!!

I think I've found my new calling...

On Saturday evening Trav and I went over to Jenn's house for an evening of "Rock Band" playing on her X-Box. Too much fun! For those of you not up-with-the-times enough to know what this is, it's like the Wi thing where rather than just pushing buttons and maneuvering joysticks as many of us are most familiar with, there's actually "instruments" to play that mimic their real-life counterparts (well, sort of...) So Jenn and Dan have a big projector screen on a full wall of their basement (which made our band actually "larger than life"). Four people could play at a time, one singer which earned points for accuracy of singing (melody? tone? I confess to being voice-illiterate when it comes to music--though I look great above...I believe I was singing Beastie Boys Sabotage, thank you Blarney's juke box for giving me this skill)! So singer, drums, four color-coded drums AND foot pedal...so cool! A guitar and a bass player. So singer reads the karoke on the top of the screen and everyone else reads their instruments "notes" coming down the screen in color codes to match your instruments buttons/drums. If you mess up or miss too many notes, you get kicked off the stage and sometimes, if your other band members are doing really well, they can bring you back on. It's really funny!

Being the drummer girl that I am, I liked the drums best, though I do look like a natural with the bass here...
Isn't this a funny one below:

I'm trying so hard to watch my notes on the screen and get it right...And next to me is Vanessa who is singing, even though she's never even heard the song before...funny!
So that was a nice night out with my jogging gals. Vanessa (right) has been out of school since November doing the Mommy thing so it was great to catch up with her and her little man. And Jenn (left) and I work literally across the hall but can go weeks without catching up since we don't jog in the cold weather and the work day is just non-stop...

Thanks, Jenn, for making a fun night out for us!

Cross Your Fingers

Please, please, please let tomorrow (Monday) be a snow day!!!

Vermont Pics

I finally had to cave and buy a new USB cable so I could get my pictures out of the camera. Since I invested all that extra money, I should really be sure to utilize the pictures, no? So here you get to see some shots from our weekend in VT. We finally did make it up there the weekend after New Year's and it was so nice to get away. We stayed at a friend's family's cabin right near Mt. Snow. We snowboarded ("rode") on Saturday, first time in two years, and came home to veg out, built a fire, and ordered in Chinese. Being married to a "die-hard," come Sunday we had to get up and do it all over over again (only this time much achy-er). On Sunday, the whole top half of the mountain was in a cloud. It was pretty neat watching the "fog" become more dense as we went up the lift. You could barely see two lifts ahead, which made for the quick, "hurry, get the bar up, time to unload" as the "disembarking platform" just sort of snuck up on us.

Here's what I liked best about the weekend:

• Vermont is pretty, especially when it's all snow-covered
• Snowboarding is a great excuse to be outside all day
• Clean, cool, fresh air
• No cell phones or computers
• No schedule (except that we had to get up Sunday and do it all over again)
• Toasty warm fire in the fireplace
• Achey muscles
• Ice and snow covered trees on the mountain
• Darkness at night
• Having my honey all to myself!!
  

Hopefully one day, Trav and I can swing a little cabin like this of our own. It would be so nice to be able to just check out for a weekend here and there without having to plan/organize/book any kind of accomodations. Hmmm...We're accepting cash donations to help us with our dream if you're interested...

See Trav's new little car in the driveway? Yay for reliability! It's a cute little Subaru WRX...kinda like my car but more "boy" oriented (faster). It's the first car Trav has had with airbags in the past 4 years! God forbid they ever get used...It's just nice to know they're there.

Pull Yourself Together

Have you ever actually been told this? I was told this today at a final meeting I had with my Human Resources director at school who has been refusing to acknowledge and compensate me for my second Master's Degree finished in August (which, by the way she approved 2 years ago, and the approval was in writing). I spent an hour maintaining my composure explaining to her again and again about my program, things which I had already expressed via email and letters. My overall point of frustration was that She Approved the Program to be counted as my "6th year" degree (which bumps me up on the salary scale). So she approves the program before I begin it. I complete the program some $10,000+ and 2 years of my life and lots of stress and juggling obnoxious students with completing program requirements and whatnot later and then she has the audacity to say that she doesn't think the program meets the requirements stipulated in the contract.

Anyway. This arguement had been ongoing since September and I eventually had to resort to my Union for support. (Our union rep for our region I worked with on negotiations a few years back and don't find to be particularly effective, as an aside, yet he's my legal rep anyway...) So he is at this final meeting with me after school today, me, him, and human resources lady. I go through the whole rigamarole of everything I've already expressed to this lady in one way or another as she continues to ask me the SAME things over and over and I continue to respond to her until I reach my composure threshold. Logically, having to defend myself when I've done nothing wrong has been my biggest problem in this entire situation. When you give your word that you are going to do something, then do it for goodness sake. Don't make me suffer because You made a poor decision that you regret when I followed the rules all along...So, eventually, an hour into going over the same things again and again, my eyes well up and my nose begins to run and I am...crying (but not sobbing, just watering and running because who knows why...because I was in a crappy situation and I was tired of defending myself when I shouldn't have had to.) Next thing you know, in walks the executive director (in other districts known as the superintendent). He is vaguely filled in on what I've been expressing after which he proceeds to ask me THE SAME QUESTIONS I JUST SPENT THE LAST HOUR AND FOUR MONTHS ARTICULATING. I explained that I have just finished answering those questions and that my responses are in the HR person's notes and in my previous emails and letters. I then explained that if they were going to require a specific product from a degree program (as if a diploma is not enough) then I recommed that in the future they make that stipulation in writing PRIOR TO APPROVAL. Those two eventually excuse themselves and the guy on my side says to me, "Calm down and pull yourself together a little. This is not helping our case." Guess what buddy, if not allowing tears out of my eyes was an option, I wouldn't have started to cry in the first place. Like I WANTED to cry in front of the two people who are making me jump through ridiculous hoops to receive the benefit that I have already earned.

A few years back I had a deposition for a car accident I was in and had been treating a neck injury for over 2 years. I had originally told the other insurance company that if after a few visits to the chiropractor the pain went away then I would not hold them accountable. However, when the recovery was more extensive and time consuming and the discomfort essentially constant, I got a lawyer and sued for damages. Well with "soft tissue damage" it's difficult to prove your case and all I know is that I went to so many different doctors and told my story to each of them (and eventually as time went on began to cry when I would be explaining the ongoing discomfort because it was so real to me all the time, but not debilitating, not keeping me from everyday tasks, but constant and nagging, etc.) So anyway, at that deposition I was essentially attacked as well, made to feel like I was making up my pain and that the chiropractors I went to weren't real doctors, nor was the naturopath, or the massage therapist, or energy healer (I tried all kinds of things to get relief). The only credibility they allowed was that of the osteopath who said it looked like classic whiplash (except he used a fancier term, and eventually told me that I was just going to have to deal with the pain...thanks doc...)

Anyway, I cried at that deposition too after being attacked and feeling as if I did nothing wrong and my attorney told me then, too that the crying "didn't help the case"...

So today as I drove home from this meeting, letting all out in the car, shivering and practically hyperventilating, I was wondering why I cry in these situations...and how people can control it because I certainly can't. I'm not talking about the hallmark commercial kind of thing, though I admit to tearing up rather easily in those situations, but it's somehow more acceptable to cry for sadness and joy, pain, sorrow, and suffering, but what was my crying for? Was it "poor-me" crying? Or, more likely, a Don't You Fucking Get It? kind of cry... Because that's essentially what it's all about. Don't you have compassion? Don't you feel? Don't you care? I think that is ultimately why I cry, out of hopelessness or something. Out of utter frustration and disappointment that so many people in the world Just Don't Get It.

In the end, they "granted" the salary change (which they had already approved) which I was supposed to feel very grateful for though I didn't have it left in me to show them that gratefulness for something I was owed. I am Not a fake person. I cannot hide my feelings, or fake them, nor should I have to. I am human through and through. I bleed, I love, I laugh, I cry, I feel. And all of that is okay. Life's too short to hold in the tears.

(By the way: Were you aware that there is a significant connection between suppression of feelings and fears (which is a form of stress) and the development of cancer. Just a little tidbit I picked up in my degree program that ties so very nicely in with this entire situation...I'd take crying over cancer any day...)

Fiber-Optic Explanation

In the week between Christmas and New Year's, Trav and I were planning to spend a few nights in Vermont, snowboarding and just Being Away for a bit. So our intention was to go up on Friday or Saturday and return on New Year's Day. Unfortunately, Trav was feeling under the weather and began second-thoughting the idea. Eventually, he made an appointment at the doctor because whatever was wrong was lagging on and on. The doctor asked some questions then looked up his nose and exclaimed, "Allergies!" (which Travis has never had issue with before). She was unsure what the allergy would be to given the time of year but by the time Travis made it home, he had a prime suspect...Mr. Gas Station Christmas tree. He explained that he had been experiencing his symptoms for about the same amount of time that the tree was in the house. I promptly explained that I did Not want a fake tree (one of those personal preferences/traditions) and that the doctor was clearly "making up" the allergy diagnosis. Anyhow, we get the tree out to the curb the next day and miraculously, Travis is cured (I insist it was a placebo-based cure). I continued to give him a hard time about next year's tree and then we agreed (in jest) to get a clearance priced, post season, white fiber-optic tree for next year. (yes white because it's tackier...)

Holy cow! Here I am mocking fiber-optics because I always picture those outdoor lawn trees that change colors and whatnot and I get a knock at the door from an AT&T guy explaining the new wire conversion to Fiber-Optics...weird! He couldn't give me a good deal though because we don't get cable in our "bundle"...he thought that was weird and left. What is a fiber-optic, anyway??

An Epiphany

Okay, so all those who know me well know my issues about the "personal note" in the Christmas card, right? And because I've historically made such a big deal out of it, in order for me to live up to my own expectations, card writing can be a rather time-consuming affair. Because of this fact, I confess to have sent out a mere 12 cards this holiday season, either to people who live across the country and I wanted to just check in with or else to people that I really had something to write about in the card. See, I really actually enjoy the act of writing to people. I used to be much more of a letter writer, postcard sender, etc. with my trademark waves, stars, and swirls decorating the document and/or envelope. And I still enjoy that process, but can't possibly maintain the rigor for all 50 or so folks I'd like to acknowledge on the holidays.

Which brings me to my acknowledgement of truly coming to appreciate the photo-greeting (if I may call it that). In the earlier years of receiving these, while I always liked the picture, I still could complain about the impersonal-ness of it. However, more recently, they have really been growing on me and in very early December I find myself clearing the fridge in anticipation of real life, hard copies of all the new little people that have indirectly become part of our lives. The fridge gets filled out and I find myself just enjoying looking at the pictures while eating breakfast or dinner. I keep track of who I haven't received yet (Jen, I was well aware that Molly took a little longer than the other kids getting up there;) (Marisa, I'm still waiting!!) In fact, last year, Travis expressed disappointment that we hadn't received an updated picture of Maribeth's little girl. While he's only met her a couple of times, she apparently made quite an impression. I told Maribeth of our disappointment and this year we received both a picture AND some artwork to post. Very cute. And Vicky, this year's ongoing joke has been about "that Becca and Richie"...either Travis or I keep finding that they both tend to jump off the fridge and find themselves on the floor...(and that's just their picture!!)

So while epiphany is not quite the right word for what I'm trying to say, it will have to do. I can honestly come to say that I LIKE the holiday card. I like to see the special picture that was obviously painstakingly chosen. I LIKE to see pictures of friends and families living far away. I LIKE that I get to stick all those faces up on the fridge. And I LIKE that I'm finally coming to be okay with the fact that life is busy, yet who Doesn't like to get a piece of mail acknowledging a relationship, acknowledging the spirit of the season, even if it's a pre-printed photo-card with computer printed address labels. If all those people who sent me a card decided to only send out the measly (but of high content value) 12 cards I managed, for sure I would have received hardly any mail. So thank you all who thought of me/us, took the time to take photo after photo of yourselves or your child/ren, put them in envelopes, address, stamp, and mail them. Personal note or no, I appreciate every card I receive and will plan, next year, to do more of a mass mailing. Even if it means printed labels and a picture of me and Trav in front of our white, fiber-optic Christmas tree.