Dear Bo,

I write you this letter because I just don't know how else to get my message across to you.  I have talked to you privately, quietly, and yes, even yelled about it.  I have escorted you to your crate, I have pointed you angrily in the direction of your crate, and yes, even spanked your rear or nose on occasion.  And still, we have the same problem.  

I understand that it is your unending and faithful desire to protect us and keep us safe from the predators out there in the wild (family neighborhood).  I truly appreciate your commitment to us, your adopted family.  However, I believe we are suffering from a bit of a misunderstanding as to what true danger might be.  Allow me to run through some scenarios to help clear things up.  

To begin.  The man who backs his truck into the driveway directly adjacent to ours is our friendly neighbor, Barney.  He lives in that white house next door.  He comes and goes from his house every day, as does his daughter Memorie and his grandson, Phillip.  They are good people.  We like them.  Barney makes us wine and while the wine might not be very yummy, it is still a kind and neighborly gesture for him to bring us some when he makes it.  We do not need to be protected from our next door neighbors.  They mean us no harm.  And frankly, your barking at them makes me feel terrible that they have to put up with us, yes us, because we are all one family whose behaviors all impact each other, each and every time you bark at them for simply carrying on their daily activities.  Please leave Barney and his kind family alone.

The next major topic shall be that of community helpers, namely, the mail delivery person.  I understand it can be a bit distressing that we have several mail carriers who are responsible for our mail delivery, however, these community helpers walk through the neighborhood every day, rain or shine, and bring us our mail.  I know they come so close to our house, even so far us up our front steps to our mailbox beside the door, however, this is their job.  Daddy and I WANT them to bring us our mail.  If you continue to charge the front door with ferocious barking followed by a body-slam into the door itself, they just might decide to deny us our delivery privileges.  This would be bad and would surely put you into the dog house, perhaps the dog house where we got you from...remember that one?  No ottoman to sleep on.  No heat vent directly into your crate.  Sure, also no little boy pulling your ears, lying on you, and stealing your toys, but also, no little boy handing you forbidden people food and certainly no delicious high chair to clean up after dinner.  Please do not continue to bark at the mail carriers.  Not when they are across the street delivering mail, next door, delivering mail, and not when they bring us our mail.  They give you treats.  They want to be your friend.  Please embrace them and their friendly white mail truck when it is parked across the street.  (Also note, this pertains too to the UPS delivery man and his big brown noisy truck...we LOVE to get packages!  You should too!  No more barking at these good kind people.)

Also to note, our home is located in the midst of a neighborhood filled with houses and there are people that live in all of those houses.  People go into their houses and come out.  Cars come and go.  And yes, in some of those house live other DOGS, too!  Just like you!  Some are big like you, some are medium, and some are small and cute.  And just like when we put your collar and leash on you and take you outside to walk down to the park or through the neighborhood, other dogs and their mommies and daddies do this too.  It's okay!  They probably just have to go make a poop or peepee down at the park just like you do.  They are not trying to steal your food or harm your pack.  They just need to go to the bathroom.  Please please let them and their masters pass the house in peace.  This also pertains to school kids who must walk past our house to get to their homes and families.  A big black dog like you can be rather intimidating.  Please only bark when someone is trying to climb in a window or break the lock on one of the doors.  In that case only is it okay to bark and yes, even attack!  But please first make sure it is not your father or myself climbing in the window because we locked ourselves out!  That's happened a few times, yes (and come to think of it, I don't recall a peep out of you...hmmmmm, perhaps we'll have to work on that one).  

I guess the driving force which finally persuaded me to write this letter to you is my exhaustion.  Yes, I'm awfully sleepy.  I sure could have used a nice long nap this morning.  I know, I know, he woke you up too this morning at 4:45, with all that racket coming from his room that kept going and going and going.  I'm not sure what that was all about but since I didn't get to go back to sleep after that, I was looking so forward to his nap which went off without a hitch beginning at 9:40.  While I put the groceries away for the next 10 minutes, my head hit my pillow by 9:50 which likely would have afforded me an approximate 50 minute nap.  Unfortunately, I was startled awake not 20 minutes later by a sudden burst of barking coming from the front of the house.  Was that you?  Don't answer that.  We both know the correct answer.  The worst part about this sudden barking is not so much that you awoke your tired mommy, but more importantly that you awoke your baby boy.  And so, now 2:41 in the afternoon, both he and I are miserable and exhausted, one of us refuses to sleep and the other wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and stare at the backs of her eyelids, and stop hearing the whining and crying that occur when a certain baby boy we both know and love is exhausted.  If this incident was an isolated one which occurred for your sincere fear for the survival of our family and species (yours and/or mine) it might be more forgivable, however this sudden barking during naptime seems to becoming more prevalent.  It needs to stop.  Seriously.  

And so as I finish composing this letter, you are locked in your cage away from any windows or door and Keller is in his cage (I mean crib) too, screaming his head off because he is just oh so tired but just won't sleep.  Perhaps he is afraid of being awakened abruptly again?  Or perhaps I'm being just a little too hard on you.  But really, I just wish you would cut the barking thing out, I'd accept half the amount as a compromise.  Please consider this plead.

Now I will dig some toothpicks out of the cabinet to hold my eyelids open, put the crying baby into the car and drive around in circles so he sleeps, which by the way is undesirable  because while the boy gets to address his much needed sleep needs, the mommy does not, which makes it only harder to handle the barking and contributes to a momma who is too tired to walk her doggy to the park.  Think about that.

I hope my next letter can be a bit friendlier and upbeat.  

Sincerely,

The Tired Mommy