And One More Thing

One more thing that I failed to mention in my 25 things about me on Facebook is my increasing "loner-ness."  My mom and her sister used to joke each new years about making a resolution to "make a new friend" and when they would get together they would update each other on how it was going...you know the "well she called and asked if I wanted to do such and such but I don't really want to, but I'd do something different but don't want to seem bossy or selfish..." kinda thing.  They'd go on about how much work it was to have friends and I would laugh....But now, I get it...  First of all, it's so hard to meet new people, for me at least.  I tried to connect with someone in my childbirth class who lives very close and had a baby just a couple of weeks after Keller, and she emailed a couple of times but then stopped...her loss:)  Then there's the girl down the street who just told Travis she was out of work for now and she jogs and whatnot...I should really try to connect with her and have an exercise motivator right down the block....I should...and today I go, nervously, to my first Mom's Meetup for lunch...there will be about 10 moms there and corresponding kids...I have to pretend I'm not shy around new people (maybe I'll have a couple of beers before I go--haha!!--but it sure worked in college and a few years after that!!)  What gives?  I used to be so friendly and outgoing but now I have such a hard time I guess with the "small talk" kind of thing that is usually what leads in to getting to know someone better so then you are able to make those connections that I'm missing out on...I just have to put myself out there.  And as far as it goes for the friends I have out there (who are reading this) thank you for letting me be me...the me that isn't so good at picking up the phone and giving you a call (it's not just you that I don't call, it's everybody!) but appreciates getting calls from you!  The me that's a little bit quirky and a little bit selfish but loves her friends and family dearly.  The me that craves more of a social life but loves sitting home on the couch listening to quiet (or crying, whining, giggling, barking, yes, even the damn barking!)  I wish it was just a matter of walking across campus to pay you all a visit...I'd be much better at that!  But anyway...wish me luck today and be prepared to remind me that it takes time for a new friendship to develop, and some energy on my lazy part and even advanced planning which has always been a downfall of mine.  I feel very much like the quiet shy little Lisa that wouldn't let go of my mommy's leg in a social setting.  I thought I had come a very long way from that, but I guess it's just part of who I am.  The me that's worth getting to know and putting up with...

I'm smart enough, I'm good enough, and gosh darnit, people like me!!