In the Moment

So yesterday I managed to get out for a jog when Trav was home for lunch. It was so nice to be able to do and my body was like, "What the heck are you doing this for?" as my tight muscles hardly let my legs even jog slowly to start. I've got soccer season starting soon--I've officially retired to the Over 30 league, perhaps more my speed and with less drama and competitiveness than the other league I've been playing in. I look forward to that but know I desperately need to keep working to get in a little better shape.

So the in the moment thing...while jogging, I was thinking, yes, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to have all of this time so that I can exercise, right? Because I'm a stay at home mom and my job is to stay home, take care of kids, and exercise. Well, that was somehow this image of staying home that I had pre-kids. And so I find myself increasingly stressed out and bothered and unmotivated when it comes to exercise because "it's not how I expected it" I guess. I am lucky to have a husband that is so helpful with the kids and with the household maintenance. I am also lucky because his work schedule has a couple little openings here and there. But it's not always easy to get out when he's home since it's not necessarily when I would want to get out to exercise or else I use that time for running errands, or just sort of doing nothing...and then once my motivation started picking up to exercise, I took that babysitting job smack during naptime and smack during the time that Trav tends to be home a few days a week. I just handed that possible exercise time over to babysit, add a little stress to my life, and make a couple of bucks. But it's all good. I'm glad to be babysitting. It's a choice I made. Keller loves playing with the kids there and sleeps great in the big boy bed there so really I'm not complaining about that.

In fact, this whole post is about not complaining at all. It's about being in the moment. About being in the middle of it, probably the shortest years of my life that I've looked forward to for years and years. The being-home-with-the-kids years. This is them and every day is one less day of it. It may not be exactly as I imagined it. We're not bustling with busy-ness and playdates and I haven't made these fantastic new mommy-friend best friends. I don't have time to exercise and am officially in the worst shape of my life. I don't find myself to be a particularly good "housekeeper"--still don't like to cook, still burn toast, start 10 home-projects at once rather than completing one or two at a time...but again. This is it. This is me, this is my life, this is how it is. I have to get out of my head the way "it's supposed to be..." This is it. I'm in it. And I'm lucky as heck to be here!

Neko is crawling around babbling away and Keller is on the couch under a blanket watching a movie---yes a movie for his "poop-treat"...It works. He gets to veg out a little and so do I. I try to finish my tea before it's too cold and squeeze in a few minutes on the computer. As soon as this is done, I will get the kids dressed and ready for our playgroup here in a few minutes. Once a week we do that. Keller looks forward to it because he likes the crafty part and the special snack. He could care less about the house full of 2 year olds. He talks to their mom's or clings to me. Neko sleeps half the time and hangs out with the big kids when he wakes up. This is it. this is our day to day. This is what I'll remember about now. The good times, when the kids were little.

Now that it's nice, we've been getting out in the stroller more. Walking Gramma D's dog or BoBo. We go down to the park. BoBo poops then we go stand on The Big Pipe and look for fish or turtles. We throw sticks and rocks into the water. We watch ducks. We collect acorns. We go on the swings, the slides, and see-saws. We make pretend dinner with the woodchips. We yell at BoBo for eating too many woodchips which will inevitably lead to Travis waking to BoBo's morning puke. This is life!

The house is a mess by the end of the day, dinner might be late, bedtime might be a little later, but that's okay. We're healthy, happy, and having fun:)

I've got to keep working on being "in it" now. Not looking ahead to when Keller's in school, to when we have a bigger house or a bigger yard. Not looking ahead to me finding a job. I wanted to be home with the kids and this is it. This is the house we can afford right now, the neighborhood perfect for walking to the park, the luxury of being home to watch my two little boys grow a little bigger each day, give them hugs, and love as much as they need it. Teach them the little lessons of every day life. Be with them when they are sad or when they wake up on "the wrong side of the crib" and just rock and cuddle a little bit. I am so lucky to be where I am in life. See what a little jog now and then can stir up in a girl!!